I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
