He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
