saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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