She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
