oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
