I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
