You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
