if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
