I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
