I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
