Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
