Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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