I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
