My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
