I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
