Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
