We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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