the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The power of my boobs compel you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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