She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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