Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
