My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
