i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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