pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
