I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
