help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
