But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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