you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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