stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
