i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
