dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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