i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
