We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
