so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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