The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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