You just made me feel so damn special
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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