if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
