There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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