ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
