yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
