dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My feet surprised me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
