I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Drunk is not a location!
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