She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
