Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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