I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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