Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
