i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
