I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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