i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
