I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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