I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
